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Saturday, August 18, 2007

My Sinister Side


Yours truly is and always has been a southpaw - one of the 10% in the population and the only one in my family, or was until my niece was born. Apparently, she and I share quite a few genes. Poor little thing...

Actually, it is not known from where one's handedness arises, but it is suspected it is genetic. I also suspect this. Most babies will favor a hand early on. It seems very stupid to me to force a child to be right-handed as was common at one time. In the Middle East, using one's left hand is frowned upon. Personal hygiene is done with the left hand, everything else is done with the right hand. Chopping off heads is done with both hands...

We have a reputation for terrible penmanship. I'll have you know that I consistently won penmanship awards in grade school. The runner-up, who was always the same girl, insisted it was my pencil that gave me an advantage. There was nothing at all special about my #2 lead pencil. I bet you anything she grew up to be a Democrat.

But I don't curve my hand like a retard, the way many lefties do when they write. My penmanship was so good that my teachers would often get me to write up long study notes on the chalk board. And then I'd have to write them all over again for myself. They clearly took advantage of me.

I also started doing calligraphy in 4th grade and have quite a knack for it. Of course, I have to write with my hand and arm up in the air or it'll just be one long streak of ink. If working on a special piece and want extra control, I will write from right to left so I can rest my hand on the paper. Even in normal writing, I will often smudge the letters, the side of my hand ends up all covered in ink or graphite. Oh and that damned spiral in the center of many notebooks is very irritating, leaving a mark on my arm. Withstanding these obstacles, to this day, people will remark how perfect my printing is, like typing they say.

In most all activities I am left-sided. I hold the phone to my left ear, kick with my left foot, throw with my left hand, and if necessary, slap with my left palm. In softball, I was usually the only one batting from the other side of the plate. And in raquetball, being left-handed is apparently an advantage as my opponents will midway in the game stop and note, "Oh, no wonder! You're left-handed." Uh huh. Yeah, that's why you're losing...

The only sport I do right-handed is golf. This is an anomaly and I haven't a clue why it works out that way. The very first time I ever golfed, I naturally rented a set of left-handed clubs. But at the first hole, attempting my very first ever tee-off, the club felt extremely awkward in my hands. So I asked one of the group to let me try her right-handed driver. As soon as I switched sides and gripped my little fingers around that club, I knew this was it. I hit the living daylights out of that ball, straight down the fairway. In unison, they all called me a liar. I laughed and laughed. But, it was the truth. I had never golfed before. Like most everything I have ever done, I can either do it very well from the get-go or I can't do it at all and mostly likely never will.

I also am lightning fast with my right hand on the 10-key. After high school I had a summer job taking inventory and had to use the right-handed 10-key adding machine. It's been a useful ability for adding up long lists of numbers. And like riding a bicycle - you never forget.

Being a right-handed world, there are many things I am forced to do with my right hand. That's fine with me. Most left-handed people are more coordinated because of this requirement. Right-handed people basically have a useless hand.

The mouse is one of those things that is normally set up for the right hand. This is quite handy because it frees up my writing hand. On my left side there is always a notepad or piece of paper of which every single square inch will eventually get covered up with intricate doodles. While waiting on or reading something, not typing on the keyboard, my left hand will go off and start doing its thing, almost subconsciously. I have had to decipher many a phone number or important piece of information that has been almost illegibly integrated into my artistic ramblings.

When I worked at an office some of my colleagues would ask me if they could have these works of doodle art. I don't know if it was the doodles they liked or thought they may be worth something, suspecting this odd mannerism portended that I would one day appear on the evening news for some act of notoriety...

Socially, there is a bit of a problem - specifically, while dining. A lefty in the mix requires some thought concerning the seating arrangements. Elbows, you know. Although the advantage here is that I don't have to continuously switch cutlery the way you righties do.

I have always driven a standard. This means I must control the stick shift with my right hand. And I do a fine job of it. In fact, it would be quite awkward to use my left hand. Should I ever find myself driving in one of those weird wrong-side driving countries (what possessed them to do that?), it will have to be with an automatic. I imagine trying to stay on the correct side of the road would be enough of a challenge without having to struggle to manage the gear shift with my left hand. Now, if my stay was permanent, I would definitely learn to operate the shift with my left hand. I will NOT own an automatic. Although by that time I should be darting about in a flying saucer.

Just now, reading a bit about left-handedness, there appear to be people who think they are somehow discriminated against or at a disadvantage because of this. That is so absurd. The only thing I ever noticed was that my manner of doing everything backwards often amuses or bemuses others. My family gets quite a kick out of watching the way I will do things. Once, in the shop where I was buying knitting yarn, the owner was trying to show me a certain stitch. She eventually threw up her hands as she could not figure out how to do it left-handed. Oh well, I figured it out myself. And I don't think I ever found a left-handed desk in school. I never even looked for one. You adapt to your surroundings, you don't expect your surroundings to adapt to you.

Some people will find any and every excuse for their inferiority. I look for any and every way to overcome it - not that I ever considered my left-handedness to be an inferior characteristic. Quite the opposite - I am proud to be a lefty and in pretty good company. There have been some very prominent left-handed people throughout history.

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