Monday, May 26, 2008

Good Luck With That

Scientists are eager to find a sign of extraterrestrial life - any sign. Billions of dollars and millions of man hours have been spent in this endeavor over the years. The latest attempt is the Phoenix probe that just landed on Mars. Yipee! I applaud the engineering feat, but the goal leaves me less than enthusiastic. In fact, I think it's a bloody waste of time and money. I'd wager that we'll never find a sign of life outside our own biosphere.

While the Bible doesn't specifically address alien life forms, Genesis does make it clear that God created Man and life on Earth. It does make it clear that Man is a special creation and that all the flora and fauna were created for us - to support and brighten our physical existence.

As I am not a devotee of the religion of evolution, it isn't logical that even the tiniest little sign of life would appear anywhere else. It would be meaningless. God doesn't do anything illogical or without meaning.

I think the thought process is that since the universe is so vast, there absolutely must exist, at the very least, the "beginning" of life somewhere out there or signs that life once did exist or that conditions (water) exist that could eventually give rise to the first building blocks of life. If a random process could create life on Earth, surely the odds are that a similar randomness can occur elsewhere.

And wouldn't such a discovery make atheists jump for joy. But, don't hold your breath waiting on that. On second thought, please do.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Mashed Potatoes and Gravy - New Style

Now that's some tasty stuff, right? Just about everyone likes to eat mashed potatoes and gravy. Actually, I'm talking about a whole new style of mashed potatoes and gravy, a very different mashed potatoes and gravy. And the recipe is so simple. You just sit on a plate and take a big shit. OK, it's not really mashed potatoes and gravy but it kind of looks like it, if you squint - and hold your nose.

This new style may not be to everyone's liking but there are quite a few people who just love it. And they really, really resent it when people will complain about them eating this dish. In fact, at one time, the prejudice against eating this new mashed potatoes and gravy was so rampant, that they actually had to eat it in private, secret like. You know, people can be so narrow-minded. Fecesphobes are what they are. Really, it's no one's business what other people choose to eat. Just because they have a different palate than normal people is no reason to discriminate against them. Some people are even born with a craving to eat shit, but others acquire a taste for shit as they grew older.

The fecesphobes don't want this dish served in public. They say that shit has no nutritional value, that eating shit is unsafe and can even kill you. They say that shit isn't even a food and it's quite revolting to watch someone eat shit, not to mention the stink that emanates from it. Well, eating is a basic human function and some people like to eat shit. What's the big deal? And there are plenty of junk foods around that people eat all the time. Hell, some people eat worms and other revolting, stinky things. Why don't they have a problem with that?

As a matter of fact, eating shit is better for you. Obesity is a terrible problem now. All those fat slobs are quite disgusting. A diet of shit will keep you very lean. And there is always shit around to eat. It's very easy to whip up a tasty dish of mashed potatoes and gravy. Fecesphobes are nothing but intolerant haters.

But, after a long, hard-fought struggle, eating shit is finally acceptable. Oh, the shit eaters are making great strides. The new mashed potatoes and gravy are even offered as a food choice in school cafeterias. Children must be taught that eating shit is perfectly acceptable and should be encouraged to try it. We don't want our children to grow up as lard asses, do we? Yes, the social stigma has finally been erased as evidenced by the increasing references to mashed potatoes and gravy on TV shows, even going so far as having characters who are partakers of this delicacy. That wouldn't have been possible twenty years ago.

The shit eaters have a long way to go though before their preferred food is as widely available as other foods. Their goal is that every restaurant and grocery store be required by law to serve or carry their mashed potatoes and gravy dish. They have the right to eat their favorite food as much as anyone else. Please help the shit eaters by writing your congressman, senator, the prez and demand that shit eaters get their right to eat their dish anywhere, anytime and as much they want. Thank you.